Listmania Redux

First, a correction:  I had previously denounced Rolling Stone magazine and their 500 Greatest Albums of all Time list for, among other things, putting The Who’s tour de force, Who’s Next, outside the top 100.  In fact, it had come in at a respectable, though absurdly high, number 28.  That oversight notwithstanding, the RS lists remain a leaden lump of porcine pomposity, and seeing as how they are such fertile ground for ridicule, I may be compelled to lob a few more grenades their way before it’s all said and done.

The overwhelming response to Listmania got me to thinking about the fascination with these types of music lists specifically, and about people’s relationship to music in general.  Bob Edwards, the old NPR stalwart, has a talk show on XM Radio, and the other day he did an interview with Kris Kristofferson.  Kris made the point that of all the arts, music is the only one you can carry around with you 24 hours a day, where an infinite playlist of hooks, solos, measures, themes, backbeats and refrains bounce around in your head, voluntarily, or otherwise.  I can personally attest to the latter, as I have an office mate whose cell phone’s ring tone is, Wimoweh (The Lion Sleeps Tonight), and as a consequence, “…wiiiiiii dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee wiii mo mo moweh” wafts incessantly in and out of my consciousness, often morphing into something indistinct and even more disquieting, until his phone rings again.  A blessing and a curse, as it just as easily could be, Having My Baby or Knock Three Times, or God forbid, In Da Club.   

I grew up around the music of my dear mother, who, as a sprightly twenty-something back in the early 60s, would play records on the RCA Victor all day long; stuff like, Joan Baez, The Kingston Trio, the soundtracks to West Side Story and Carousel, Johnny Mathis and Hank Snow.  When I look back on the time, circa 1964, I came home to find, Meet The Beatles on the phonograph, I realize now that she had put it there for her own enjoyment as much as mine.  A couple of years later, the speakers on that old RCA were finally done in by Frijid Pink, Blue Cheer, and Grand Funk Railroad…rock and roll was officially in the house, and mom bought me my own record player. 

I’ve listened to music with like-minded friends, or alone, and been cast into a fit of ecstasy – a kind of benign psychosis.  Joni Mitchell, or Bob Dylan, or hell, as long we’re being honest, the soundtrack from, Out Of Africa, can make me cry like a 7^th grade girl (on the inside, dude!)  On the other hand, my great friend and musical soul mate, Shady Grady, can perfectly imitate the look he (and every other teenage boy) had on his face when, Nights in White Satin cued up at the high school dance…makes me laugh so hard that, one time, I’m pretty sure my heart actually seized up for a couple of seconds. We used to joke that a Beach Boys retrospective at a funeral would make everyone involuntarily happy.  Such is the power of music.  My daughter, who takes over the music the instant she gets in the car, just visits music genres, picking off the artists she likes and discarding the rest.  I’ve learned to appreciate everything from MGMT to STS 9 to Devendra Banhart, only to discover that she’s disentangled from them and moved on to Fleet Foxes, Of Montreal, and Man Man.  But she stays grounded in the classics; meaning Tom Waits, Miles Davis, and of course, the Beatles and Stones and Dylan.  

By the way, can I admit to liking that Taylor Swift song, You Belong With Me?  Before you toss me into the hate bath, you’d better scrub your own iPod for anything you would rather we didn’t know about.  As they say, you don’t get to pick your family, and you don’t get to pick the music you like.  I can’t help it, for example, if I loved Sugar, Sugar by The Archies the moment I heard it back in ‘68, and continue, unashamedly, to love it right this minute.

I’m not sure why these music lists are so much fun.  It could be that everyone likes to disagree with them, especially when confronted with something like the monstrous grandiosity of the RS 500s.  As we’ll see below, there is really no limit to the music lists we can create.  To demonstrate that, I’ve again enlisted the help of various aficionados and trusted agents.  Keith, who contributed to Listmania, suggested the top 10 songs with animals in the title.  With his help, we came up with the following;

1.      Everybody’s Got Something to Hide Except For Me and My Monkey, The Beatles

2.      Jack-Ass, Beck

3.      Godzilla, Blue Oyster Cult

4.      Sheep, Pink Floyd

5.      Bluebird, Buffalo Springfield (A twofer!)

6.      Coyote, Joni Mitchell

7.      Moby Dick, Led Zeppelin

8.      Stray Cat Blues, The Rolling Stones

9.      Hey Mama Wolf, Devendra Banhart

10.  Diamond Dogs, David Bowie

How about this?  The Top Ten Beatles Songs That Hardly Anyone Ever Listens To:

1.      Hey Bulldog

2.      Every Little Thing

3.      Only A Northern Song

4.      Anna (Go To Him)

5.      I’ll Get You

6.      I’m Down

7.      Ask Me Why

8.      It’s All Too Much

9.      I Call Your Name

10.    I Me Mine

The Top Ten Breakup Songs:

1.       Already Gone, The Eagles

2.      You Don’t Move Me, Keith Richards

3.      Let Me Go, The Rolling Stones

4.      Beautiful Calm Driving, Sia

5.      2002, Bob Schneider

6.      Could I Have Been So Blind, The Black Crowes

7.      It’s A Laugh, Hall & Oates

8.      Sleep To Dream, Fiona Apple

9.      You Keep Me Hangin’ On, Vanilla Fudge

10.  You Don’t Know Me At All, Don Henley

Top 10 Love Songs:

1.      Back In Your Arms, Bruce Springsteen

2.      Sleepin’ In On Sunday, Caitlin Cary

3.      Stay Awhile, Jonah Smith

4.      Mad About You, Hooverphonic

5.      Right In Time, Lucinda Williams

6.      Two, Ryan Adams

7.      Feels Like Rain, John Hiatt

8.      Lovin’ Arms, Wood Brothers

9.      Born In Time, Bob Dylan

10.  Someone Like You, Van Morrison

Here’s a good one…Top 25 Motown/R&B/Soul Songs, though 25 is not nearly enough:

1.       Land Of 1,000 Dances, Wilson Pickett

2.      Since You’ve Been Gone, Aretha Franklin

3.      I Heard It Through The Grapevine, Gladys Knight and The Pips

4.      Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I’m Yours, Stevie Wonder

5.      Just My Imagination, The Temptations

6.      Cool Jerk, The Capitols

7.      Have You Seen Her, The Chi-Lites

8.      Me and Mrs. Jones, Billy Paul

9.      I Want You Back, The Jackson 5

10.  Ooo Baby Baby, Smokey Robinson & The Miracles

11.  Doggin’ Around, Jackie Wilson

12.  A Change is Gonna Come, Sam Cooke

13.  Close The Door, Teddy Pendergrass

14.  L-O-V-E, Al Green

15.  Float On, The Floaters

16.  I’ll Take You There, The Staple Singers

17.  Let’s Stay Together, Al Green

18.  Always and Forever, Heatwave

19.  Rock With You, Michael Jackson

20.  Be Thankful For What You Got, William DeVaughn

21.  Disco Inferno, The Trammps

22.  Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’, Michael Jackson

23.  Who’s That Lady, The Isley Brothers

24.  Jimmy Mack, Martha & The Vandellas

25.  I’m So Proud, Curtis Mayfield and The Impressions

Clearly, this could go on forever, and it just might.  The aforementioned Shady Grady, a musical polymath, is one of those guys who invariably runs into someone he knows at the airport lounge in Ulan Bator or N’Djamena, and seems to know the words to every rock and pop song ever made.  He put together a “decades” list, and also placed the following restrictions on himself: no songs from the RS 500, no songs from Listmania, and no “genre-drifting.”  No list is big enough to contain him!

60’s

1.      Lovely Rita, The Beatles    

2.      Monkey Man, The Rolling Stones

3.      Hush, Deep Purple

4.      All Day and All of the Night, The Kinks

5.      Angel, Jimi Hendrix

6.      No Particular Place to Go, Chuck Berry

7.      These Eyes, Guess Who

8.      Magic Carpet Ride, Steppenwolf

9.      To Sir with Love, Lulu

10.  Game of Love, Wayne Fontana & the Mindbenders

70’s

1.       Over the Hills and Far Away, Led Zeppelin

2.       Adam’s Apple, Aerosmith

3.        Needle and the Spoon, Lynard Skynard

4.       The Great White Buffalo, Ted Nugent

5.       Going Mobile, The Who

6.       The Trees, Rush

7.       Cracked Actor, David Bowie

8.       Jealous Guy, John Lennon

9.       The Cowboy Song, Thin Lizzy

10.   Dirty Little Girl, Elton John

80’s

1.      Tempted, Squeeze

2.       Don’t You (forget about me), Simple Minds

3.      Once in a Lifetime, Talking Heads

4.      Justice and Independence, John Cougar Mellencamp

5.      It’s Only Love, Bryan Adams with Tina Turner

6.      When You Were Mine, Cyndi Lauper

7.      867-5309/Jenny, Tommy Tutone

8.      Turning Japanese, Vapors

9.      Steppin’ Out, Joe Jackson

10.  Touch of Grey, Grateful Dead

90’s

1.      Low, Cracker

2.      Hey Jealousy, Gin Blossoms

3.      A Girl like You, The Smithereens

4.      The Change, Steven Curtis Chapman

5.      Silver Lining, David Gray

6.      St. Teresa, Joan Osborne

7.      Good, Better than Ezra

8.      Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Deep Blue Something

9.      Lump, Presidents of the United States

10.  Little Miss Can’t be Wrong, Spin Doctors

2000’s

1.      Waiting in the Weeds, Eagles

2.      She’s a Handsome Woman, Panic at the Disco

3.      Blurry, Puddle of Mud

4.       Fading, Decyfer Down

5.      Whispers in the Dark, Skillet

6.      Seven Nation Army, The White Stripes

7.      How You Remind Me, Nickelback

8.      My Way, Limp Bizkit

9.      All Summer Long, Kid Rock

10.  Hackensack, Fountains of Wayne

You say you want some more? Well, here’s some more…The Top 10 Lyrics Lines of All Time:

1.      “The sunshine bores the daylights out of me.” Rocks Off, The Rolling Stones

2.      “In a little hilltop village, they gambled for my clothes.  I bargained for salvation, an’ they gave me a lethal dose.  I offered up my innocence and got repaid with scorn.  “Come in,” she said, “I’ll give you shelter from the storm.”  Shelter From The Storm, Bob Dylan

3.      “Toss me a cigarette; I think there’s one in my raincoat.”  “We smoked the last one an hour ago.”  So I looked at the scenery, she read her magazine.  And the moon rose over an open field.  “Kathy, I’m lost,” I said, though I knew she was sleeping.  I’m empty and aching and I don’t know why, counting the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike.  They’ve all gone to look for America.”  America, Simon and Garfunkel

4.       “She wakes up, she makes up, she takes her time and doesn’t feel she has to hurry, she no longer needs you.”  For No One, The Beatles

5.      “Oh, God said to Abraham, “Kill me a son.” Abe says, “Man, you must be puttin’ me on.”  God say, “No.” Abe say, “What?” God say, “You can do what you want Abe, but, the next time you see me comin’, you better run.” Well, Abe says, “Where do you want this killin’ done?” God say, “Out on Highway 61.”  Highway 61 Revisited, Bob Dylan

6.      “Now the first of December was covered in snow, and so was the turnpike from Stockbridge to Boston.  Lord, the Berkshires seemed dreamlike on account of that frosting, with ten miles behind me and ten thousand more to go.”  Sweet Baby James, James Taylor.    

7.      “I pulled into the Cactus Tree Motel, to shower off the dust, and I slept on the strange pillows of my wanderlust.  I dreamed of 747s, over geometric farms, dreams, Amelia, dreams, and false alarms.”  Amelia, Joni Mitchell

8.      “Once upon a time you dressed so fine, you threw the bums a dime, in your prime…didn’t you?  People’d call, say, “Beware doll, you’re bound to fall.” You thought they were all kiddin’ you.  You used to laugh about, everybody that was hangin’ out.  Now you don’t talk so loud.  Now you don’t seem so proud.”  Like A Rolling Stone, Bob Dylan

9.       “I crawl like a viper, through these suburban streets.  Make love to these women, languid and bittersweet.  I’ll rise when the sun goes down, cover every game in town, a world of my own, I’ll make it my home sweet home.”  Deacon Blues, Steely Dan

10.  “I just spent 60 days in the jailhouse, for the crime of having no dough.  Now here I am back out on the street, for the crime of having nowhere to go.” The Shape I’m In, The Band

* Top 10 Guitar Solos (limited to mainstream, FM radio-friendly, normal-length songs, if not necessarily huge pop hits):

1.      Reelin’ in the Years, Steely Dan (Elliott Randall)

2.      Beat It, Michael Jackson (Eddie Van Halen)

3.      On The Turning Away, Pink Floyd (David Gilmour)

4.      Manic Depression, The Jimi Hendrix Experience (Hendrix)

5.      Crossroads, Cream (Eric Clapton)

6.      Beer Drinkers and Hell Raisers, ZZ Top (Billy Gibbons)

7.      Dirty Laundry, Don Henley (Joe Walsh/Steve Lukather)

8.      Black Dog, Led Zeppelin (Jimmy Page)

9.      Lovin’, Touchin’, Squeezin’, (Live) Journey (Neal Schon)

10.  Hocus Pocus, Focus (Jan Akkerman)

v  (I need to mention the total body of work done by Frank Zappa, but specifically his, “Shut Up And Play Yer Guitar” trilogy.  It redefines the heights to which rock guitar can be taken.  He quite simply had no equal.)

My Top 10 Guilty Pleasures:

1.      Magic, Olivia Newton John

2.      Dancing Queen, Abba

3.      The Rain, The Park, and Other Things (Flower Girl), The Cowsills

4.      Believe, Cher

5.      Tarzan Boy, Baltimora

6.      Toxic, Britney Spears

7.      Calling All Girls, Rick Springfield

8.      The Way We Were, Barbra Streisand

9.      What You Waiting For, Gwen Stefani

10.  Baby I’m-A Want You, Bread

Top 10 Long-Form Songs (10 minutes or longer)

1.      Thick as a Brick, Jethro Tull

2.      The Ikon, Todd Rundgren’s Utopia

3.      Lost Angeles (Live), Colosseum

4.      Freedom, Sons of Champlain

5.      Do You Feel Like We Do (Live), Peter Frampton

6.      And You And I, Yes

7.      Whipping Post (Live at Fillmore East), The Allman Brothers

8.      In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, Iron Butterfly

9.      Tarkus, Emerson, Lake and Palmer

10.  Desolation Row, Bob Dylan

My top 25 Songs of the Moment, wherein, if they happen along on an iPod playlist, I don’t skip them:

1.      Debra, Beck

2.      Great Day, Paul McCartney

3.      All the Kings Horses, Robert Plant

4.      Stars, Joe Henry

5.      Walk On Hot Coals, Rory Gallagher

6.      Backward Down The Number Line, Phish

7.      Low Rising, The Swell Season

8.      She’s Not Angry, Band of Annuals

9.      Two Weeks, Grizzly Bear

10.  Say Please, Monsters of Folk

11.  Willie, Cat Power

12.  Down To The Wire, Son Volt

13.  Hours N Hours, The Boat People

14.  Handshake Drugs, Wilco

15.  Back Home, Willie Nile

16.  Microphone, Coconut Records

17.  Long As I Can See The Light, Creedence Clearwater Revival

18.  Hey Mama Wolf, Devendra Banhart

19.  Wheels, Foo Fighters

20.  Don’t Get Your Back Up, Sarah Harmer

21.  I Shot My Heart, Ane Brun

22.  Step Right Up, Tom Waits

23.  Lost and Running, Powderfinger

24.  Everything Is Broken (Alternate Version), Bob Dylan (Bootleg Series, Vol. 8: Tell Tale Signs - Rare and Unreleased 1989-2006)

25.  Do You Feel It, NRBQ

Alright, that’s enough lists.  Leave your comments, and hit me with your best shot.  By the way; if your own collection includes everything listed above, and from the previous Listmania, and hell, most of the Rolling Stone 500 Greatest Songs and Albums, then you’re off to a pretty good start.